Last week was tragic to the pop culture of the late 1990s and 2000s. We sat here and witnessed the unraveling of several black entertainers who brought us through our wonder years. We quickly found out that fame, money, looks, and charisma doesn't exempt anyone from having a misguided mentality.
I know somewhere out there Kevin Hart has to be turning back flips about everything that went down last week. Thanks to Usher's herpes situation and R. Kreepy being a sex driven pedo reincarnation of David Koresh, Kevin's cheating looked almost harmless.
In reality we all know that Kevin's affair is far from innocent and it's unfortunate that his pregnant wife is having to play somewhat of a fool and swallow her pride. But hey, at least she can be proud that Kevin isn't drugging women, holding young girls captive or giving them some wasabi peen.
Kevin is lucky that he managed to get busted the same week we found out that R. Kreepy (originally R. Kelly) is a cult leader, Usher is leaking radiator fluid from his penis, and the juice is loose. Yes, last week was a scorching fest of straight up messcapade.
But what is the underlining issue of all this and why am I going on about it?
I care about all of this because it is a wake up call for women to do better. Yes, I said it. We, women of all color need to do better.
What happen to us protecting ourselves and not being gullible to stardom? These men (with the exception of OJ because he really loves black women enough to leave us alone) are taking us for granted and pissing all over our hopes and dreams with viruses and cheating. Many of the women who are fallen victim to it are those who went in with their eyes on the prize of being future cast member on Bravo's Real Housewives series while believing they have a magical box.
But the problem is - their box is not magical and unfortunately they got played. I can't say I feel sorry for any of the women. I am not condoning what happened but simply implying that WE have to be more careful! We have to do better!
Don't let any male sword glide in your kingdom without seeing papers. I don't care how much money, power, or influence a man has - protect yourself. You only have one box and you have to protect it with your life. Settlement monies will help ease the pain but isn't everlasting. When the money is gone, you're left with a Goodwill box and skeptical luck that someone will like you enough to not care about your health status. Always keep in mind that good looks, charm, and endless pockets, doesn't mean his peen is clean.
So what's next? What can you do to protect you, your daughter, family member or bff? You can be honest, upfront, smarter and less occupied with a man's material possessions, looks, or influence.
As women, it should be our goal to prepare ourselves and caution young women about unhealthy and healthy traits to look for in a man. And most importantly - we need to LOVE our daughters, sisters, nieces, aunts, cousins, and friends because when we do the likelihood that they'll look for love in the wrong places diminishes.
Again and again across my time line I see my perfect, successful, attractive Facebook friends make a fool of themselves over their relationship status. If only I could reach out to them and let it be known that even though you look great on paper your Facebook page indicate something different. Truth is, we (your audience) know why you're single.
Now this article isn't about every body who is single and hopefully a lot of my message won't apply to you BUT if it does take the information in slowly, digest it, and let it settle in. After all, I do not personally know you but from what I can see online - I know enough. Below are my top reasons of why you are still on the shelf.
You're giving away the farm for free
You're a walking billboard giving everything about you away for free. There is no guessing about you and it leaves little to the imagination and no room to ask questions. A man can look at your Facebook page and automatically tell what you're all about. By analyzing your post, comments and pictures he can assume how life will be with you and this may cause fear that you'll overshare information about y'alls situation without it actually being official.
You are doing the most for no reason
There are days when you're cool as fuck and other days your bipolarness breaks through and you're going through it. The struggle between being a victim, whining, and being independent overrides your dateablity. Settle down, pace yourself and realize what your message is saying about your temperament and most importantly you. You should always think before you speak including when you post.
Your kinda desperate and it's showing
Too many times you brag about being a strong, independent, woman with the signature stamp - single by choice. Everyone goes through some type of heartbreak in life so dust your shoulders off and know that relationship pitfalls are experiences that make us better partners. The no pain no gain cliche is real. So, yes you will strike out several times but that's life. It's completely normal and okay to be lonely but when you boast about being independent then switch it up to wanting someone every other day, it shows desperation and yields a yellow flag to potential suitors.
You don't have your shit together
No man wants to give their best and time to someone who doesn't know what they want in life. If you can't make appropriate life decisions how can you trust your instinct to find a man who is right for you? Being aware of what you want is a major key in attracting your ideal man. Being unaware will show a potential man that you may just be a ghost shell (someone who is great on the outside but lacks substance within). A wise man once told me, "A beautiful woman is great to look at but you can only have sex so many times during the day. Eventually you're going to want a conversation and if she can't give you that, then you have nothing."
You're not perfect
I hate to burst your bubble (yes I took it all the way back there) but you're not perfect so the perception of finding someone who is is crazy! You should look for the person who is the most compatible to you - not your friends, BUT you. Also look beyond their flaws and understand that you have some too. After all, you are single and hot right?! So there is a reason why no one has put a ring on it - okay, I think you get what I am saying.
You're too busy trying to impress other women
Instead of trying to impress women who are in a similar situation as you how about turning your attention towards working on you. Let people know you have substance and avoid being thirsty, a single woman crusader, and "preaching" the gospel about not settling and waiting. Here is another truth - avoid being the successful spokeswoman of singlehood unless you absolutely want to live like a hermit.