You ever wake up and feel like today is not the day for me? Well if not, lucky you. I don’t know what has my mojo in a headlock. I’m not even sure why I feel like I am in a slump. It could be the sight of cleaning my lovely home (Jesus I always wanted a big home but cleaning it YIKES). It could be the end of the year and feeling like I didn’t accomplish much. Who knows what is bothering me?! I’m just hoping my attitude will change soon because Christmas is around the corner and I have to put on a happy face.
Or Do I?
I don’t believe that I’m alone in having the winter blues. I think the pressure of being seasonally happy is probably what initiate my seasonal funk. Why must I be jolly? For fuck sake, it’s the ending of the year and with every day passing by I get a lump in my throat that reminds me that I’m getting older. Not to mention I’m slowly watching my children’s youth dissipate into the dreaded preteen years. My energy – it’s shot to hell and my metabolism is sluggish af. Did I mention that I’m only 35? A good age in my book but why am I so sluggish?! Ugh!
Houston Holiday Memories
I remember when I first moved to Houston three years ago I positively looked forward to the holiday season. Due to the joint custody agreement this was my first time alone for the holidays since I became a mother. I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was my first Christmas in the city and in my mind (as a single woman back then who didn’t have to worry about being related to anyone) it equated to feeling like Samantha in Sex in City. I glammed up and went club hopping alone. I was literally Dora the Explorer and at my physical best (back then I used to run 5 days a week).
Along the way I made a friend who was also new to Houston. We became bff’s over the holidays because we didn’t have anyone else and we gelled. We shared an awkwardness that wasn’t appreciated in our small hometowns. Since, I’ve always felt weird about myself I found comfort in east Texas by hanging out at gay bars. I told my new bff about this and she agreed that it would be fun to spend Christmas and New Year’s in Montrose. Montrose is an exciting neighborhood in Houston where it stays lit with club trotting gorgeous intelligent gays and no judgement. We went there and baby WE LIVED. The drag shows, the drinks, the male dancers were like Christmas lights (lively, colorful, and attention grabbing). We enjoyed the night like celebrities and partied with complete strangers who felt like lifelong friends. At the end of the night we parted ways and didn’t keep in touch. It was a unique first Christmas in Houston and set an interesting holiday tone.
An Intimate Holiday
The following holiday season was totally different. By this time, I had a boyfriend (now my husband) and I had ditched my new bff. Turns out she was kind of aggressive and had too many things to say about my dating life. I couldn’t deal. I liked Donald and she thought it was too soon and swear he would kill me. Yeah – we’re married now and that was 3 years ago. Anyhow, that year Donald and I started a holiday tradition of ditching Houston and going to our favorite nearby city, New Orleans. We did this for two consecutive years. We visited our favorite hotel, Le Pavillon, and ate at our traditional spot. The most nostalgic part of being in The Big Easy was getting served by the same waitress at our go to restaurant, it was everything. We would hold hands, stroll the streets, and visit Kenzic art gallery. We usually ended the weekend at Patrick’s Bar Vin in a wine binge.
After going through the holiday memories, I think I have finally figured out why I may be a bit down this season. Times have changed including our availability to travel to New Orleans. I should be happy and not sad that for the past three years my Christmas and New Years were awesome. It was only four years ago that I would catch a movie in my hometown with the kids and sit at home wishing that we had a complete family. That complete family included my oldest son, my two younger kids, my mother and a future husband. And guess what…this is the first Christmas that it’ll happen. I do realize that this new Christmas tradition of having my entire immediate family under one roof, since grandma’s passing, is what the holidays is all about. Thanks for listening to me vent and helping me come to the realization that the winter blues for me is just a phase of realizing that time is passing, we’re getting older, and a traditional family holiday is what I've always wanted.