What is self-hate? This is a question I asked myself a couple days ago as I participated in a Facebook hair group of nearly half million women who are intrigued with natural hair. The 4c hair group is dedicated to individuals who are looking for guidance when it comes to taming or amplifying their natural mane. I have found a love/hate relationship with the group. I truly and dearly love the pictures, suggestions, and personal experience of the sisters who all decided to do a big chop and learn how to manage what comes naturally out of their heads. However, there are times, many times, when the love that I have for the group turns to animosity for the stupidness of some members who entire existence revolves around the personification of their natural hair.
So what triggered my approach in writing a blog about this group? Well, several things. It could be the conversation from a week ago where I witnessed grown ass women rip a mom a part from putting too much weave in her daughter’s hair followed by the next week of praise for a mother who put a lot weave in her daughter's hair. I guess the final straw is the post where a woman asked if anyone had regrets about their 4c hair. All three post with participant’s shallow minded commentary bothered me so much that I had to mention it on my YouTube channel. However, let’s stick with what really grind my gears about the dialog from the regret post.
It was the people who idiotically hound the women who came forward with their regrets about having 4c hair. The harassers proceeded by antagonizing women who were honest about their 4c regrets by saying, “How can you regret something you are born with?” followed by, “Self-hate is real in here.”
OMG! Like, what the entire fuck? The women who said things like this completely pissed me off! I questioned if they even knew what self-hate really means. How can you determine that a person hates themselves based on them having regrets about their natural hair? The reason why all of us are even in the group is because we actually took the time to evaluate what type of hair we had and wanted to know more - out of love for understanding how to manage our natural hair. After all, I am pretty sure many us were use to having relaxers because it made it easy for our mostly single mothers to comb our hair and go. Not to mention other hairstyles like a jheri curl were popular in our youth too. Overall we generally stuck with the regime our mothers incorporated in our hair routine - kinda like how we stick to our mom's religion.
I once asked a friend about her hair type and she told me that she didn’t know because she believes that it is another way to divide black women. I took her remark as being snide, but now I completely know what she means. Some of the natural hair women in the group showed me the divided. Natural versus relax. Self-love versus self-hate. Us versus them. Com'on it's not that serious.
I recently went natural but not for the experience of portraying my pro blackness. I was pro black before I went natural. I can honestly tell you that I have not protested or participated in causes supporting my blackness one time since being natural meanwhile I protested a handful of occasions for black lives matter while rocking my creamy crack proudly (well kind of, I wore a hat many times with shades because it's hot as hell in Houston.)
Some women in the 4c Facebook group have a false sense of identity wrapped entirely in tight coils and curls around who they are and just because they're team natural feel entitled to saying they love themselves more than black women with relaxed hair. Being a woke natural gives no reason to downgrade black women because they don't want wear their natural hair. It sure doesn't give a natural a reason to berate another woman who honestly has regrets about going natural.
I don’t like the woke natural hair warriors biting at black women who choose to wear their hair as they please or feel the need to disparage those with regrets. Hair does not take away from who you are – it is a mere addition. I only wish some black women could see hair as an attachment and stop putting so much emphasis on something that is a figment of them, hair is pretty much worthless (unless you're cutting it to sell at a beauty supply store). Hair is an accessory and has absolutely nothing to do with your soul, who you are, or your morals. Hair will not help you get man, earn more money, live more blissfully, or make you a better person.
Let’s just be honest here – there is no self-hate involved in not liking your hair or having regrets about it. If it was, we wouldn't trim pubic hairs, shave under our arms, shave our legs, wax our upper lip, or pluck our eyebrows. So please for the love of humanity, stop trying to make hair more than what it is! And to my natural woke hair warriors (thanks Ang for that inception) take the time to look up the definition of self-hate before you give the title to others just because they choose not to rock their natural hair.
Self-hate = intense dislike of oneself. (Note - it has nothing to do with hair.)